Watch Me
by nishiqueeno
Summary: Nico watched as Maki walked away. She watched as the sun set below the horizon. She watched as raindrops fell from the dark sky. And she wondered why all she had ever done was watch.
1. Prologue

"After all these years, and this is what I'm greeted with?"

Nico looked down. "I…"

"Don't even apologise! I know you won't mean it!"

 _Ouch_. Nico almost winced. Almost. "Maki…"

"No," Maki growled, raising a shaky arm to point a finger at the older woman, "don't call me that. You don't have the right to call me that."

Nico watched as the woman with fiery hair walked away. She watched as the sun set below the horizon. She watched as raindrops fell from the dark sky.

And she wondered why all she had ever done was watch.

* * *

"Oh. It's you."

Nico smiled wryly. "Really, now? No welcome back, no 'long time no see'? What happened, Nozomi?"

"Don't give me that, Nico." Her expression was hard. Hard as a stone, Nico thought. "You. You happened."

The black haired woman narrowed her eyes. "What–"

"I didn't invite you to my house!" Nozomi snapped, eyes wide with rage. "I never wanted you to come back! _We_ never wanted you to come back!"

"Is that so," Nico muttered, voice low, fist clenched. "Is that how you treat a friend that you haven't seen for four years?"

"No," Nozomi answered without missing a beat. "You are not a _friend_. I don't know who you are or what you've become anymore, Nico."

Had she lost everyone, Nico wondered. Was everyone in µ's like that, now? The bright Honoka? The energetic Rin? The soft-hearted Hanayo?

"Did everyone leave me, too?" Nico whispered. "Did everyone leave me behind?"

"No." Nozomi's answer was spontaneous. "It was you who left."

* * *

Honestly, Nico had thought her friends would be happy for her. After all, she became the idol she had always wanted to be, by going to a performing arts university in Australia. Admittedly it had been somewhat sudden and Nico had been unable to contact any of the µ's members for the past four years she was overseas – but she though they would have been happy. For her. For them.

Happiness. Nico wondered what the word meant – without µ's, she had no idea. She thought _she_ would have been happy – for herself and everyone else – now that she's back in Japan. After so long.

Her phone in her pocket buzzed – it was her old one, the one that she used back in high school. Sighing, Nico read the message.

" _nico-chan, nozomi told me you came back from australia,_ " Nico read, " _do u want to come to my house? we can have dinner and catch up and stuff. –kotori_ "

" _id love to_ ," Nico typed back, smiling. Of course, how could she have forgotten? Out of all the members, Kotori had always been the most caring and understanding one. It shouldn't be all that surprising that she still was that way.

Her phone buzzed again – it was Kotori's address. "Got it," Nico mumbled, threw on her coat and left her rented apartment.

It was still raining, Nico realised, but the heavy rainfall had reduced to a light drizzle. She could walk, it would be fine.

Unwanted thoughts infiltrated her head as she walked. Even if Kotori was fine with her, was everyone else? Did they hate her too? Could she try to patch things up between her and the rest of µ's? It was worth a shot, Nico decided.

 _Just watch me._

* * *

 **Hey there, you guys.**

 **It's been a while since my last fic was up, and now I'm going to try (again) to do a multichapter. I suck at those,** _ **I know**_ **, and we've seen that before with 'Miss Me' which I only managed two chapters before I gave up and will probably never continue.**

 **This time, though, it's an angst NicoMaki and who doesn't love angst NicoMaki? I will try my best, please be patient.**

 **Other than that, I hope you enjoyed this short prologue and will please do look out for later chapters.**


	2. Chapter 1

Nico played it all in her head.

It would be fine, right? She'd just ring the doorbell, Kotori would open the door, they'd share a hug and she would walk into the apartment. Simple.

So why was Nico so scared?

She glanced at her watch; it was nearly seven. Holding her breath, Nico jabbed her finger on the doorbell, perhaps a little harder than she had meant to.

 _Follow the script_. _Follow the script. Follow the script._

 _C'mon Kotori_ , Nico urged, _open the door_.

The door opened and Nico threw her script away.

"You're not Kotori," she blurted out when she met amber eyes that definitely didn't belong to her ash haired friend.

"What. Are you doing here." As cold as ever, Nico thought. She didn't think she would have changed at all.

"Umi," Nico greeted with a nod, hoping her opposite wouldn't notice the shaky tone in her voice. "I-I could say the same for you."

"Get _out_ ," Umi spat, pointing a finger that went over Nico's shoulder. "I do _not_ know why you are here and I do _not_ want to know."

"Umi-chan, stop!"

Umi's face immediately softened, and she turned around, her back facing Nico. "Kotori?"

"Umi-chan, I invited her here." Nico peeked behind Umi's shoulder. She could see Kotori, clad in a plain T-shirt and a pink skirt. She sent Nico a small smile before focusing on the other woman. "Please don't chase her out."

"I see."Calmly, Umi turned back to face Nico. Eyes still set on the black haired woman, Umi answered, "In that case, I will leave." Kotori made no attempt to stop her, instead handing the blue-haired woman her coat and waving her goodbye.

"I'm sorry," Kotori said softly, when Umi could no longer be seen, far beyond their vision. Gingerly, she placed a hand on Nico's shoulder. "No one's been acting like themselves lately. Not after…"

 _Not after I left_ , Nico finished bitterly in her head, knowing too well that Kotori was too tactful to include that. The younger woman led her inside, and Nico took the chance to observe her house. It wasn't small, but it wasn't huge either, and the minimalistic theme was somewhat aesthetically pleasing. Nico liked it.

She followed Kotori to the dining table. "Have a seat," she offered, and Nico hated the way she was treated like a stranger. Maybe Kotori _did_ hate her. Maybe there was some kind of grudge held there, and the ash-haired woman was trying to do everything to get rid of it.

* * *

"Katsu curry," Kotori smiled a little as she set the plate down in front of Nico, "it used to be your favourite."

"Still is," Nico answered. "Thank you," she paused. _For inviting me to your house. For being kind. For pretending not to hate me_. "For the food."

"Let's eat."

Nico nodded, and tentatively scooped up a bit of the curry to taste it. It was rich in flavor; it tasted like memories. She held back a sob.

"Nico-chan…" Said woman looked up. Kotori was smiling sadly at her plate. "We were upset, you know."

 _I know. I know that more than anyone else_. Nico didn't answer.

"We'd thought…We'd thought that after all those years, you'd never have to leave us." Kotori stopped for a moment, as if she expected Nico to interject. When no response found its way out of Nico's mouth, the younger woman continued. "And for most of µ's, that sadness turned into anger. Towards you.

"Maki-chan came to me, after you left. She told me about how you told her you were leaving, before you told the rest of us. And that she told you not to go. She was crying, Nico. She was so upset because she thought you'd stay. For us. For _her_."

"Stop." Kotori stopped, but Nico didn't. "Just _stop_ , okay? I _know_ I messed up! I _know_ I'm a huge asshole for leaving! But don't _ever_ use Maki against me that way!"

The ash-haired woman stared. Nico continued rambling. "I _know_ she told me to stay! But I _had_ to leave! I…I left because of _her_."

"Nico-chan…"

"No. I…thank you for dinner." Hurriedly, Nico stood up and rushed to the front, throwing on the coat she had hung neatly beside the door. Kotori followed behind slowly. Nico felt a bit bad for just leaving so suddenly, but she couldn't afford to mess up more than she already had.

Kotori opened the door for her. Nico tried for a smile, and the younger woman returned it easily.

"Thanks," she said again, and turned her back to Kotori.

"Nico-chan?"

Nico stopped walking. "What?"

"Maki still loves you. I'm sure she does." The door clicked shut.

Nico stepped out of the gate, and the words hung heavily behind her.

* * *

 _And for most of µ's, that sadness turned into anger._

Most.

 _Most_.

If Kotori had said _most_ , then did that mean not everyone was upset? Did it mean that Kotori wasn't the only one who could accept her? Nico shook her head to clear the thoughts; if Nozomi was mad at her – _Nozomi_ , the playful, cheerful Nozomi – then it couldn't be possible that anyone else wouldn't be.

She shouldn't have left.

Nico slammed her knuckles against the wall. The bumps grazed her skin, but the pain hardly fazed her. _She shouldn't have left_.

It would have been _fine_. Everything would have been _perfectly okay_ if she hadn't left. If only she just _stayed_ , instead of trying to protect Maki from the monster that was herself.

 _Maki stills loves you. I'm sure she does._

 _It's a lie!_ Nico wanted to scream. Maki wouldn't love her – _couldn't_. Not after what she did.

 _No wonder_ everyone hated her now.

To µ's, Maki was one piece. Nico was another. They were two separate pieces connect thinly; if one left, the other would crumble.

Nico left.

 _Maki crumbled_.


End file.
